Music that makes me alive
There are songs, tunes and performances and performers, that go straight to my emotions without the analytical phase. They cut me open, shatter me to pieces, I feel a large ball of heavy energy over my stomach, I feel paralized, my hands and feet get numb. My mind gets numb. and I feel so sore like I was yearning for something that I don’t know of yet and I may never know. For something that could be just Right if it was here and I’d be in the right place.
And when I listen to them I feel like I’m alien to everything and everyone and everything is alien to me and only in this particular music everything is just right and I’m right. And I want to get inside that music, and I can’t, so I get even more sad. And yet I keep listening over and over, because it makes me feel, I feel more alive than I am without it. It’s like touching open wounds to feel the touch at all.
Everyone has their own inner music. Mine has a lot of air, as much fire, and a lot of great sadness. I see sounds in colours and feelings. I can touch the sound, feel its texture. I can see its colour and how it changes.
Robert Plant’s voice and way of singing is grey-blueish, smooth and steel-like cool and soft wind-like airy. It shatters me a little bit more every time. But I’ll keep listening. This is the cost of beauty awareness. If I didn’t hurt when I listen to music, I wouldn’t be aware of its beauty. It makes me seriously wonder about my life and my soul, and who I want to be, it makes me better. Or at least I think so.
