Liquid cotton
I had thought that when I get things done at home and finally go to Dublin to my husband, I’d be calm, happy, productive and everything would be fine.
It’s not.
Instead I’m showing more and more signs of depression. Not the silly one, that you can treat with a movie and a chocolate bar. It’s the one that’s made of liquid black cotton.
I’m still doing stuff and I want to create things, which means it’s not a major breakdown, and everything will probably go back to normal when I find a job, but most of the day I sit in front of my computer and do stuff online, chat to people or mostly wait for my friend T to appear online; also sending some resumes and seeking job. And I lost my appetite.
My job search is quite chaotic; I can’t get myself to start a proper search, I just send a CV to anything that has a “graphic designer” and “Dublin” in it, I don’t even check all the requirements.
I like Dublin, it’s a very beautiful place really. I wish I liked going out alone, I’d spend more time outdoors, photographing maybe or just walking, but I get bored without company way too soon.
And everyone I love and like but one person is so far away. I miss them very much.
Time management issues
I’m having serious problems with time management.
It’s not like I haven’t had them before, it’s just lately that it’s been causing me serious problems. I’m supposed to be working, rehearsing, managing the remodelling of my home, making serious decisions, taking care of stuff and doing errands at the same time. Or at least as quick as possible with minimum damage.
Instead I’m mostly panicking.
Escaping into my own thoughts and daydreams as often as I actually don’t have to speak aloud.
And also I’m having a major designer’s block and my concentration span is very short.
The effect is that I do very little actual work, I’m way past all possible deadlines, I’m so tired that I fall asleep in buses all the time, and worst of all, I let down a lot of people all the time and everybody bitches about it.
I desperately need inspiration, a bust of energy, some sense, a lot of will and a working time machine.
And a hug.
