A way of sharing
My good friend told me that my voice has changed. My singing has changed. It’s been changing for the last few months, and I don’t know if the change is done already. After last week everything has changed. The singing changes if the singer becomes different, I suppose.
I used to perform without emotions. Or with fake emotions. Not opening up, not letting anyone in. Going towards technical perfection (which I lack, but I’m working on it). There are people who observe emotions of others and they might use their conclusions against someone. A little Soulgaze, if I may use a reference to popular sf literature.
The last few weeks changed that. My goal now is to “rip away the top layers”. It needs concentration, emotion, perfect conditions. I only managed it once. I sang one sweet, sad song to my dear friend, as I promised him. He had his soulgaze and he appreciated. Something changed after that. He said I’m becoming someone else, and he wouldn’t say anything more, because he didn’t want to disturb the process. He said that I’m actually making a difference. I give something good to people. And that I should take from it too, because there’s enough magic in my singing for the whole planet and myself. That’s why I started singing on parties, recently, when someone asks me for it. This is the only way I can share my love for friends with them for now. It’s the only possibility for me to open up.
Even a musician who doesn’t actually like songs told me that my singing’s improved (it was after a few glasses of wine, but anyway). This must mean something.
My singing now lets me get rid of pain and sadness. Or sometimes to embrace them so they become more familiar, more… mine. I know I won’t get rid of them entirely, because they’re part of me, and I can’t simply cut that off. But singing helps keeping me from getting shattered more and more. And sometimes even glues some little broken pieces together.
